My five year old niece was trying tell me about her ballet lessons. She was in the middle of her story when, in the background, I could hear my 2 year old nephew start to cry and carry on as only a two year old can. He was apparently jealous that his sister got to use the phone first.
At this point, I could barely hear what my niece was saying. After a couple of minutes of trying to continue her story in spite of the noise, my niece, sighed loudly and said, "Aunt Kathy, he's just so... so...exasprat... exsparaging... " The word was on the tip of her tongue.
"Do you mean 'exasperating'?" I asked.
"Yeah, that's it!" she cried joyfully. "My brother is so exsparaging!"
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have another journalist in the making. Heaven help us!
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
A Day In The Life of a Cat
Sleep. Eat. Stretch. Curl up with humans. Sleep some more. Eat. Puke on any surface that is not easily cleanable. Race around the house with no particular purpose in mind other than to break things and drive the humans crazy. Wait for the humans to take the dog outside, then scoot through the semi-open door.
Freedom. Explore in the gardens and dig up plants. Check out what's under the cars (where the humans can't reach). Wander through the woods. Enjoy the sunshine. Savor hearing the humans call out in vain. Return only when everything on the feline to-do list has been accomplished.
Allow human to escort you back inside. Jump on bed. Yawn. Knead covers. Sleep some more. Hear activity in the kitchen. Slowly meander towards the sound of food being opened and cooked. It could be tuna. Loudly express opinion regarding the sharing of the food. If food not forthcoming, express opinion louder. Volume + intensity = higher success rate.
Return to bed. Sleep again. Hear TV in the next room. Stretch and go investigate. Jump on human. Insist on sharing blanket. Curl around human's leg. Use human as heated pillow. Sleep. A few hours later, human escorts you to garage, where you are to remain for the evening (aka: Lock up). You vow to get revenge by throwing up on the human's shoe's tomorrow. Curl up and sleep in kayak.
In the morning, repeat.
Top 5 functions of a cat:
1. Couch anchor: Make sure all couches/chairs remain in their current positions. You never know when furniture might decide to move by itself.
2. Biological heater: On those cold winter nights, you'll always be toasty warm with a few cats laying on/near you.
3. Dog tormentor: Never let a dog get too self-assured. A cat will be sure to bring some perspective to your canine, and let him know his ranking in the household.
4. Bug catcher: The bigger the bug, the better. The more dangerous the bug, the better. The more pinchers, stingers, and otherwise harmful appendages, the better. Cats love a challenge.
5. Sleeping aid: Lay down in bed. Pull covers over body. Allow cat to find comfortable position (usually sleeping on head). Sleep and in a few hours wake up with a mouth full of cat hair and a contented friend.
Freedom. Explore in the gardens and dig up plants. Check out what's under the cars (where the humans can't reach). Wander through the woods. Enjoy the sunshine. Savor hearing the humans call out in vain. Return only when everything on the feline to-do list has been accomplished.
Allow human to escort you back inside. Jump on bed. Yawn. Knead covers. Sleep some more. Hear activity in the kitchen. Slowly meander towards the sound of food being opened and cooked. It could be tuna. Loudly express opinion regarding the sharing of the food. If food not forthcoming, express opinion louder. Volume + intensity = higher success rate.
Return to bed. Sleep again. Hear TV in the next room. Stretch and go investigate. Jump on human. Insist on sharing blanket. Curl around human's leg. Use human as heated pillow. Sleep. A few hours later, human escorts you to garage, where you are to remain for the evening (aka: Lock up). You vow to get revenge by throwing up on the human's shoe's tomorrow. Curl up and sleep in kayak.
In the morning, repeat.
Top 5 functions of a cat:
1. Couch anchor: Make sure all couches/chairs remain in their current positions. You never know when furniture might decide to move by itself.
2. Biological heater: On those cold winter nights, you'll always be toasty warm with a few cats laying on/near you.
3. Dog tormentor: Never let a dog get too self-assured. A cat will be sure to bring some perspective to your canine, and let him know his ranking in the household.
4. Bug catcher: The bigger the bug, the better. The more dangerous the bug, the better. The more pinchers, stingers, and otherwise harmful appendages, the better. Cats love a challenge.
5. Sleeping aid: Lay down in bed. Pull covers over body. Allow cat to find comfortable position (usually sleeping on head). Sleep and in a few hours wake up with a mouth full of cat hair and a contented friend.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Manatees, Christmas and the New Year (Oh My!)
In case you are wondering, that is me, and swimming next to me is a genuine Florida manatee, possibly the gentlest and most amazing creature to ever glide through the crystal clear waters of the Homosassa River.
This year, I finally managed to get Dave something that he really wanted and really liked for Christmas. (No small feat, I can assure you). I took him on a See the Manatees tour, which put us smack dab in the middle of a group of 6-8 manatees. We followed all the rules carefully, and never chased or bothered them in any way. We just let them come to us, and the result was unbeliveable. These magnificent creatures swam all around us, allowed us the gentlest of touches, and generally amazed us with their immense size yet gentle natures. They were more curious about us, I think. In the end, as we tried to get back on the boat, they blocked our path because they wanted us to keep rubbing their bellies. The more attention we gave them, the more they wanted. It was an incredible experience, one that left us in awe and respect of these wonderful creatures. If you ever get the chance, I highly recommend trying it for yourself. It's the thrill of a lifetime.
Now let's talk about the holidays. I have but one word to describe them -- WHEW! We ended up spending 3 days driving from house to house, trying to squeeze in as many people as we could for some quality holiday time, and in the end, we were exhausted. But, we were able to do many important things while in town, including taking Big Dave's parents to the "Ice" exhibit at the Gaylord Palms (our gift to them), which they enjoyed very much. Afterwards we pigged out on the awesome buffet at the hotel -- you haven't lived until you've tried their apple crepes, or their chocolate fondue fountain. Good stuff. We spent Christmas Eve Day with my parents (at a Chinese Buffet), then spent Christmas Day with the inlaws, then drove back Christmas night. We couldn't leave the "kids" unsupervised for too long. I need a holiday from my holiday.
Fortunately New Year's Eve was a little more quiet. We spent it at home, trying to catch up on some of the shows we DVRd over the past few months (Moonlight, Chuck, Bones, etc). We stayed up late enough to see the ball drop at Times Square, then Dave went to his game room and I went to bed. What can I say, we're PARTY people! : )
I spent New Year's Day using up some of my gift certificates. Picture it: Me, unsupervised, in a book store with gift cards, a discount card AND New Year sales, pumped up on mocha coffee. It wasn't pretty, people. Not pretty at all. I've got a nice little stack of new things to read, but I want to take the time to apologize to the book store employees who tried to be helpful, but foolishly got in my way. Sorry, but Momma needed some new tomes, and ... well... ya just don't get in the way of a book addict when she's trying to look at the new fiction. Ya just don't do it. : )
Monday, December 17, 2007
My Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
I know you probably have my name on the “naughty list” (no doubt for the many reasons stated on your dossier), but let me explain…
I try to be good all year, I really do, but some things are just beyond my control. For example:
People generally annoy me. Exhibit A: the crazy drivers, who don’t seem to understand what a turn signal is used for, or what a red light means. Exhibit B: the salespeople who remain on the phone with friends while ignoring me, the paying customer. How about the ones who roll their eyes and “tsk” when I ask them to look for an item in the storeroom? How about the fact that I cannot shop anywhere without being asked my phone number, my email, or my zip code. Since when did shopping require the exchange of so much personal information? Exhibit C: the cashier who, without the help of a calculator, cannot figure out how much change to give on a $2.50 purchase after I hand him a $10 bill. Am I’m really required to be nice to these people 24-7? Can you check the fine print on that, please? There must be a fine-print weasel clause somewhere on the contract.
The world is a crazy place. There seem to be too many situations that require anger, outrage, and disbelief. I cannot help but get angry when I read about a child who was tortured to death by a parent because he/she “wouldn’t stop crying” – a child who was returned to that parent by DCF because of a breakdown in the system. I will always be outraged when an animal is starved and beaten, and the abuser is allowed to walk free because of insufficient laws. I cannot believe that people will ignore a homeless person on the street, but will spend money on tabloids to find out the latest news on their favorite movie star. My only wish is that I will never lose the ability to feel anger, outrage and disbelief when it really matters.
The flesh is weak, and the temptation is too strong. For every time I called my brother a bad name, for every time I stole something from his room, for every time I tried to get him in trouble with our parents by blaming him for something that I did, I couldn’t help myself. He usually deserved it. If he wasn’t making fun of me, he was punching me, calling me names, or, worse yet, just ignoring me. Our whole relationship during childhood was based upon a pyramid of lies, deceptions, and half-truths. But for all the bickering, for all the fighting, for all the battles we waged, we were always there for each other. We had each other’s back. I could always count on my big brother when it really mattered. And he knew that I would defend him against others no matter what. And we always knew, deep, deep down, the love was always there.
But sometimes, it is my fault. I know I have been guilty of making fun of others – some deserved it, some didn’t. I will tease and torment my husband for my own amusement, but generally he’s a good sport about it, and doesn’t seem to mind too much, which is probably why I married him. I will, on occasion, answer the phone with a foreign accent, in an attempt to liven up the day. I make up my own names for things, especially if I believe the “normal” names to be too boring (ie: flutterby instead of butterfly, flog instead of golf, or skissors instead of scissors) This trait confuses and exasperates my husband more than anything else, I think. It’s probably why I do it. I will often make up my own rules when playing a game (Monopoly is more fun when you’re an playing an Enron exec who just happens to be president of the bank, and can take funds at leisure). I can be very stubborn, short tempered, and I tend to put off doing unpleasant tasks (ie: chores). Keep in mind, I am only mentioning those indiscretions that are rated PG-13 or better. (the R-rated will need to be put in a different kind of letter).
In short, yes, I have been naughty this year, Santa. I have been selfish, greedy, and a little bit grumpy. But for all my weaknesses, for all my faults, I was hoping you could still see your way to granting me just one Christmas wish. Just one simple wish. Well, two actually.
1. World Peace. I know you’ve been asked about this one many times, and it’s still a work in progress, but it would be really great if this was the year it could be accomplished.
2. Bring our troops home safe and sound to their families. I know this kind of ties into wish #1, but just in case you can’t deliver #1, than you can at least try for #2.
Thank you Santa.
I know you probably have my name on the “naughty list” (no doubt for the many reasons stated on your dossier), but let me explain…
I try to be good all year, I really do, but some things are just beyond my control. For example:
People generally annoy me. Exhibit A: the crazy drivers, who don’t seem to understand what a turn signal is used for, or what a red light means. Exhibit B: the salespeople who remain on the phone with friends while ignoring me, the paying customer. How about the ones who roll their eyes and “tsk” when I ask them to look for an item in the storeroom? How about the fact that I cannot shop anywhere without being asked my phone number, my email, or my zip code. Since when did shopping require the exchange of so much personal information? Exhibit C: the cashier who, without the help of a calculator, cannot figure out how much change to give on a $2.50 purchase after I hand him a $10 bill. Am I’m really required to be nice to these people 24-7? Can you check the fine print on that, please? There must be a fine-print weasel clause somewhere on the contract.
The world is a crazy place. There seem to be too many situations that require anger, outrage, and disbelief. I cannot help but get angry when I read about a child who was tortured to death by a parent because he/she “wouldn’t stop crying” – a child who was returned to that parent by DCF because of a breakdown in the system. I will always be outraged when an animal is starved and beaten, and the abuser is allowed to walk free because of insufficient laws. I cannot believe that people will ignore a homeless person on the street, but will spend money on tabloids to find out the latest news on their favorite movie star. My only wish is that I will never lose the ability to feel anger, outrage and disbelief when it really matters.
The flesh is weak, and the temptation is too strong. For every time I called my brother a bad name, for every time I stole something from his room, for every time I tried to get him in trouble with our parents by blaming him for something that I did, I couldn’t help myself. He usually deserved it. If he wasn’t making fun of me, he was punching me, calling me names, or, worse yet, just ignoring me. Our whole relationship during childhood was based upon a pyramid of lies, deceptions, and half-truths. But for all the bickering, for all the fighting, for all the battles we waged, we were always there for each other. We had each other’s back. I could always count on my big brother when it really mattered. And he knew that I would defend him against others no matter what. And we always knew, deep, deep down, the love was always there.
But sometimes, it is my fault. I know I have been guilty of making fun of others – some deserved it, some didn’t. I will tease and torment my husband for my own amusement, but generally he’s a good sport about it, and doesn’t seem to mind too much, which is probably why I married him. I will, on occasion, answer the phone with a foreign accent, in an attempt to liven up the day. I make up my own names for things, especially if I believe the “normal” names to be too boring (ie: flutterby instead of butterfly, flog instead of golf, or skissors instead of scissors) This trait confuses and exasperates my husband more than anything else, I think. It’s probably why I do it. I will often make up my own rules when playing a game (Monopoly is more fun when you’re an playing an Enron exec who just happens to be president of the bank, and can take funds at leisure). I can be very stubborn, short tempered, and I tend to put off doing unpleasant tasks (ie: chores). Keep in mind, I am only mentioning those indiscretions that are rated PG-13 or better. (the R-rated will need to be put in a different kind of letter).
In short, yes, I have been naughty this year, Santa. I have been selfish, greedy, and a little bit grumpy. But for all my weaknesses, for all my faults, I was hoping you could still see your way to granting me just one Christmas wish. Just one simple wish. Well, two actually.
1. World Peace. I know you’ve been asked about this one many times, and it’s still a work in progress, but it would be really great if this was the year it could be accomplished.
2. Bring our troops home safe and sound to their families. I know this kind of ties into wish #1, but just in case you can’t deliver #1, than you can at least try for #2.
Thank you Santa.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Giving VS Donating
This Christmas season, I started thinking about the way in which I give gifts, and the way I receive them.
Most other seasons, I'd go out, buy a gift (or gift card), and send it on it's way without another thought. This year, however, I pondered turning that "gift" into something that was truly needed and wanted. Let's face it -- most of the gifts we get during the holidays are things we don't need, things that will just sit in a closet or in a room -- unopened and unused. I kept thinking about what a waste that was -- a waste of money, time (spent shopping) and energy (in wrapping, mailing, etc). So, this year I broke with tradition, and decided instead to give donations as gifts. Basically, I took the money I'd normally spend on gifts, and donated instead to worthwhile charities in honor of the "recipient". This year, the following charities benefitted: St. Jude Children's Hospital, Nature Conservancy, World Wildlife Foundation, and Big Cat Rescue. Next year, I'll choose all new charities.
And I gotta tell ya, at the end of this season's "shopping", I felt very good. Better than I have in a long time. I felt I was helping to make a difference, instead of adding to the problem. Maybe next year, in addition to cash, I could spend some time volunteering. Spend those "mall hours" at a charity doing REAL work. How great would that be? 'Tis a season for giving, after all! : )
Most other seasons, I'd go out, buy a gift (or gift card), and send it on it's way without another thought. This year, however, I pondered turning that "gift" into something that was truly needed and wanted. Let's face it -- most of the gifts we get during the holidays are things we don't need, things that will just sit in a closet or in a room -- unopened and unused. I kept thinking about what a waste that was -- a waste of money, time (spent shopping) and energy (in wrapping, mailing, etc). So, this year I broke with tradition, and decided instead to give donations as gifts. Basically, I took the money I'd normally spend on gifts, and donated instead to worthwhile charities in honor of the "recipient". This year, the following charities benefitted: St. Jude Children's Hospital, Nature Conservancy, World Wildlife Foundation, and Big Cat Rescue. Next year, I'll choose all new charities.
And I gotta tell ya, at the end of this season's "shopping", I felt very good. Better than I have in a long time. I felt I was helping to make a difference, instead of adding to the problem. Maybe next year, in addition to cash, I could spend some time volunteering. Spend those "mall hours" at a charity doing REAL work. How great would that be? 'Tis a season for giving, after all! : )
Friday, December 7, 2007
A Day In The Life...of Koda the Wondermutt
7am
I get up from the couch and stretch. I accompany this with a loud and prolonged yawn. I I meander towards the bedroom door, and start pacing back and forth (making sure to click toenails on the floor as loud as possible, so they’ll hear the urgency in my step). After 5 minutes, I sigh loudly, and bang against the door, curled up, impatient for Them to awaken.
7:05am.
They emerge. They are groggy and walk unsteady. They seem to be moving on auto-pilot as they reach for shoes and leash. I start dancing around in circles, crashing into furniture, legs, etc. I allow only the briefest of seconds for Them to get the leash in place. When They open the door, I leap out, yanking Them with me. I lead Them to my private facilities and make Them wait while I spend much time on sniffing, eating grass, barking at squirrels, etc. After accomplishing all my other important tasks, I am now ready to commence #1 and #2.
7:15
They lead me back into the house. I follow them into the room where they keep my food, and watch while they measure, scoop, and place the food into my bowl. I want to be sure they don’t skimp. No matter what the vet says, I need more food. I must have more food. I will have more food.
7:20
They feed the cats. I wait until they leave the room, then attempt to steal from the cats. They catch me eating from the cats’ bowls. I am banished to the living room.
7:25
I watch as they make coffee. I feel I deserve coffee. I give them my best pleading look, my best starved expression, my biggest “sad eyes”, but no. They give me nothing. They tell me coffee is bad for me. So then why do THEY drink it?
8am
They sit down at the computers, getting ready for another day. I join them, laying down across their feet or wedged against the chair, making movement nearly impossible. They cannot leave the room without my company.
12:30
Lunch break. I graciously allow them to prepare lunch, then proceed to situate myself directly beneath their plates, should any morsels find themselves falling to the floor. If food is not forthcoming, I give them the "Woe Is Me" look. This generally works well. I volunteer for kitchen floor cleanup.
1:00pm
Back to the computers. I wonder how they can stare at a screen for so long. What can be so imporant when there's so many things outside to see and do? There are squirrels to chase, walks to take, dogs to bark at, and people to sniff. Not to mention oodles of trees and shrubs to lift a leg against. They don't seem to understand this. I sigh and drape myself across the wheels of Their chairs.
2:00pm
Potty break. I once again lead Them outside, where I do everything except what I'm supposed to be doing (which is #1 and #2). I eat grass. I bark at things are not there. I sniff every leaf, every tree, every insect. They finally catch me and lead me back into the house. They hand me a Greenie. I suppose this is some sort of bribe, inducing me to keep quiet and out of their way. It works for about 15 minutes.
5:00
They finally turn off the computers. He goes to retrieve my food. She gets ready for my walk. Do I have Them well trained, or what?
6:00
They sit down to dinner. Once again, I station myself at their feet - waiting. My hynotic eyes begin their work. It's only a matter of moments.
7:00pm
He is nowhere to be found. Probably in his game room again. He has to come out sometime, so I will wait. But there She is -- on the couch, reading, ready for some quality time with me. I leap and land on Her, all 67 pounds of me. I know she appreciates this gesture of love and admiration. But why are Her eyes bulging out of her head?
9:00pm
They are watching TV. I personally don't get it. What's so interesting about a box that emits funny noises and strange sights? I'm only interested when I see a dog or other animal on screen. That's when I sit up and take notice. I give a little "woof" to let them know I rule THIS house. Yessiree, this place is my domain. What? Oh. She is making me get down off the couch. I thought she understood that part of my job around here is to be "couch anchor". Guess she forgot again. I'll give her a little reminder later.
11:00pm
Time for bed. I start my sneak attack into the bedroom. I attempt to get on the bed, but She is wise to me. She makes me leave the room and closes the door in my droopy face. Does she not love me anymore? I'll show her. I'll wake her up an extra hour earlier tomorrow.
11:10pm
I circle the couch 5 times before collapsing. What a day. It's hard work supervising them all day. How would they ever live without me? I shudder to think. I close my eyes and dream of big open fields and an endless supply of chewie bones.
I get up from the couch and stretch. I accompany this with a loud and prolonged yawn. I I meander towards the bedroom door, and start pacing back and forth (making sure to click toenails on the floor as loud as possible, so they’ll hear the urgency in my step). After 5 minutes, I sigh loudly, and bang against the door, curled up, impatient for Them to awaken.
7:05am.
They emerge. They are groggy and walk unsteady. They seem to be moving on auto-pilot as they reach for shoes and leash. I start dancing around in circles, crashing into furniture, legs, etc. I allow only the briefest of seconds for Them to get the leash in place. When They open the door, I leap out, yanking Them with me. I lead Them to my private facilities and make Them wait while I spend much time on sniffing, eating grass, barking at squirrels, etc. After accomplishing all my other important tasks, I am now ready to commence #1 and #2.
7:15
They lead me back into the house. I follow them into the room where they keep my food, and watch while they measure, scoop, and place the food into my bowl. I want to be sure they don’t skimp. No matter what the vet says, I need more food. I must have more food. I will have more food.
7:20
They feed the cats. I wait until they leave the room, then attempt to steal from the cats. They catch me eating from the cats’ bowls. I am banished to the living room.
7:25
I watch as they make coffee. I feel I deserve coffee. I give them my best pleading look, my best starved expression, my biggest “sad eyes”, but no. They give me nothing. They tell me coffee is bad for me. So then why do THEY drink it?
8am
They sit down at the computers, getting ready for another day. I join them, laying down across their feet or wedged against the chair, making movement nearly impossible. They cannot leave the room without my company.
12:30
Lunch break. I graciously allow them to prepare lunch, then proceed to situate myself directly beneath their plates, should any morsels find themselves falling to the floor. If food is not forthcoming, I give them the "Woe Is Me" look. This generally works well. I volunteer for kitchen floor cleanup.
1:00pm
Back to the computers. I wonder how they can stare at a screen for so long. What can be so imporant when there's so many things outside to see and do? There are squirrels to chase, walks to take, dogs to bark at, and people to sniff. Not to mention oodles of trees and shrubs to lift a leg against. They don't seem to understand this. I sigh and drape myself across the wheels of Their chairs.
2:00pm
Potty break. I once again lead Them outside, where I do everything except what I'm supposed to be doing (which is #1 and #2). I eat grass. I bark at things are not there. I sniff every leaf, every tree, every insect. They finally catch me and lead me back into the house. They hand me a Greenie. I suppose this is some sort of bribe, inducing me to keep quiet and out of their way. It works for about 15 minutes.
5:00
They finally turn off the computers. He goes to retrieve my food. She gets ready for my walk. Do I have Them well trained, or what?
6:00
They sit down to dinner. Once again, I station myself at their feet - waiting. My hynotic eyes begin their work. It's only a matter of moments.
7:00pm
He is nowhere to be found. Probably in his game room again. He has to come out sometime, so I will wait. But there She is -- on the couch, reading, ready for some quality time with me. I leap and land on Her, all 67 pounds of me. I know she appreciates this gesture of love and admiration. But why are Her eyes bulging out of her head?
9:00pm
They are watching TV. I personally don't get it. What's so interesting about a box that emits funny noises and strange sights? I'm only interested when I see a dog or other animal on screen. That's when I sit up and take notice. I give a little "woof" to let them know I rule THIS house. Yessiree, this place is my domain. What? Oh. She is making me get down off the couch.
11:00pm
Time for bed. I start my sneak attack into the bedroom. I attempt to get on the bed, but She is wise to me. She makes me leave the room and closes the door in my droopy face. Does she not love me anymore? I'll show her. I'll wake her up an extra hour earlier tomorrow.
11:10pm
I circle the couch 5 times before collapsing. What a day. It's hard work supervising them all day. How would they ever live without me? I shudder to think. I close my eyes and dream of big open fields and an endless supply of chewie bones.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Things I Think About
These are some random thoughts that just popped into my head the last few days. I thought I'd share them:
1. How can an ant can lift something many times his body weight, and not get back strain? How fair is that? And why don't we have that ability during a move?
2. The people who say there's nothing wrong with our healthcare system have their healthcare completely paid for by the government/taxpayers. Coincidence? I think not.
3. Why, when given the choice between tile, linoleum, bare floors, or carpet, does a cat ALWAYS choose the throw up on the carpet??
4. Why is the "season of giving" automatically equated with "how much" is spent on the giving?
5. Why do we spend so much time worrying about what others think of us, when we don't know for certain what those people really think? Or do we just all tend to have guilty consciences?
6. A new program should be implemented at all movie theaters: each patron is given a paintball gun before the show. Any talkers, cell phone users, etc. can and should be fired upon at will by the other patrons. The dry cleaning bill is the responsibility of the recipient of said paint balls.
7. I had a wonderful idea for a new reality show: It's called TV Exec Makeover. We take a bunch of overpaid, creativity-draining TV executives (you know, the ones who always have "suggestions" to make on how to improve the shows that don't need improving, canceling the shows that shouldn't be canceled, and promoting the shows that should never have been aired). We downgrade their jobs to being set hands on a moderately popular TV show, and force them to do the work of the Grunts. If they last the season (as underpaid, underappreciated, overworked, etc), they can return to their job. If they don't, they are thrown out of the TV business. I think this would go a long ways towards keeping the worthy execs, who really like TV and are dedicated to making it good. Let's bring back watchable TV, people!!
8. If someone asks for your opinion, and you give it, and they don't like it, should you really be surprised?
9. Why is it that the government is always so quick to cash your checks, but always so slow in giving you refunds?
10. When I was 10, I thought 30 was old. When I was 20, I thought 40 was old. When I was 30, I thought, my god, can I really be getting older? When did this start happening?? And why wasn't I told sooner that this was going to happen?
1. How can an ant can lift something many times his body weight, and not get back strain? How fair is that? And why don't we have that ability during a move?
2. The people who say there's nothing wrong with our healthcare system have their healthcare completely paid for by the government/taxpayers. Coincidence? I think not.
3. Why, when given the choice between tile, linoleum, bare floors, or carpet, does a cat ALWAYS choose the throw up on the carpet??
4. Why is the "season of giving" automatically equated with "how much" is spent on the giving?
5. Why do we spend so much time worrying about what others think of us, when we don't know for certain what those people really think? Or do we just all tend to have guilty consciences?
6. A new program should be implemented at all movie theaters: each patron is given a paintball gun before the show. Any talkers, cell phone users, etc. can and should be fired upon at will by the other patrons. The dry cleaning bill is the responsibility of the recipient of said paint balls.
7. I had a wonderful idea for a new reality show: It's called TV Exec Makeover. We take a bunch of overpaid, creativity-draining TV executives (you know, the ones who always have "suggestions" to make on how to improve the shows that don't need improving, canceling the shows that shouldn't be canceled, and promoting the shows that should never have been aired). We downgrade their jobs to being set hands on a moderately popular TV show, and force them to do the work of the Grunts. If they last the season (as underpaid, underappreciated, overworked, etc), they can return to their job. If they don't, they are thrown out of the TV business. I think this would go a long ways towards keeping the worthy execs, who really like TV and are dedicated to making it good. Let's bring back watchable TV, people!!
8. If someone asks for your opinion, and you give it, and they don't like it, should you really be surprised?
9. Why is it that the government is always so quick to cash your checks, but always so slow in giving you refunds?
10. When I was 10, I thought 30 was old. When I was 20, I thought 40 was old. When I was 30, I thought, my god, can I really be getting older? When did this start happening?? And why wasn't I told sooner that this was going to happen?
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