Lessons Learned from "A Christmas Story"

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Watching the Movie “A Christmas Story”

• Question Authority. Just because your mother insists “You’ll shoot your eye out” doesn’t mean you will. Go for the BB gun anyway.
• Try new foods – that meatloaf may very well be delicious if you give it a try. Eating like a piggy is optional.
• Expand your vocabulary. Your dad can help you with this. You’ll learn soon enough what’s acceptable to say in front of others – at the risk of getting the soap treatment. This is also a great way to spend quality time with the “old man”.
• Actions speak louder than words. A triple dog dare must always be answered, even if it means getting your tongue stuck on a metal pole in the schoolyard.
• Anticipating something is usually better than getting it. That secret decoder pin you’ve been waiting for may not be as great as you hope. Learn to accept the disappointment gracefully.
• Enjoy the journey, and focus less on the destination. Just because the store is closing in 10 minutes doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy the parade. Besides, Santa may not be in the jolliest of moods when you do sit on his lap. Ho. Ho. Ho.
• Be kind of animals. Otherwise they may steal your turkey and force you to eat a smiling Chinese duck.
• Stand up to bullies. This will also allow you to practice your newly expanded vocabulary, and gain the respect of your peers. Just watch out for your mom.
• Learn to be gracious and appreciative. Although that hideous bunny suit may be a “pink nightmare” to you, think about how much enjoyment Aunt Clara got in making it for you, and how cute your mother thinks you look.
• Sex education can be fun, especially when you glance upon a leg-lamp’s naught “gleam of electric sex” in the window.
• Learn from your parents. They can teach you useful things like how tame a menacing furnace, replace a fuse, or change a tire in less than 4 minutes. Learning their swear words is optional, and should only be attempted in the most dire circumstances. Otherwise, you’ll risk getting the soap treatment from Mom.
• Learn a foreign language. If for no other reason than to learn to properly pronounce the word “FRAGILE” (No, it’s not Italian).
• The best things come in small packages. Just because something comes in a big box doesn’t mean it’s a “major award”. It could be just a lamp.
• Bribery rarely works to your advantage. Just because you give your teacher the biggest fruit basket doesn’t mean you’ll get that A+ on your Christmas Theme.
• Some things can’t be fixed – you matter how much glue you use.
  

Oh Turkey Day.. How Do I Love Thee?

I thought I might add these photos of the "kids", as they seem to signify the true spirit of Thanksgiving -- togetherness, and anticipation of the feast (that's Sage's tongue sticking out, like the Hungry Howie guy).

Another Thanksgiving is almost here, and this time Big Dave and I will be hosting it in our home. We (well, Big Dave, actually) will be cooking everything from scratch (except the pie crust), using the many fine cookbooks we bought in Savannah. My mom and dad will be our victims... I mean guests... and will be here for a couple of days. Yay. Sorry, did that not sound sincere? Lemme try that again... YAY!

I am looking foward to the oven roasted turkey, the cornbread stuffing with walnuts, the whippped taters, green bean casserole, the fresh roles with real Wisconsin butter. And, of course, the pumpkin pecan pie (layer of pecans on the pie crust). My mouth is already watering.

After the feast, we'll be playing a round of golf, to help work off all the evil food. But not real golf. Big Dave and I have made up our own rules in regards to the sport, and they are as follows:

1. Never keep score. It's much more fun to imagine your next hit as the "hole in one" you've always dreamed about, even if it's really your 10th swing.

2. If you don't like where your ball landed, just pick it up and move it to a more desirable area. 3. The "par" score is just a guideline. We've always found that the higher your score, the more talented you are, because you have more swings under your belt. Practice makes perfect, right?

4. Sandtraps are merely golf course decorations, and should not be taken seriously.

5. Any hitting of a moving target (squirrels, golf carts, fellow golfers, etc.) should be considered better than a hole in one, and extra points awarded accordingly. After all, you did hit a moving target -- do you know how difficult that is?

We add rules as we go, but so far, it's worked well for us.

Hershey on my Mind

Did you hear that? Listen carefully, and you'll notice the sound of my stomach busily digesting all the chocolate I have consumed over the past week. Yes, I spent a week at Hershey, and lived to tell the tale. I endured decadent chocolate desserts, a chocolate massage, and a chocolate-buying spree. I even ate steak sauteed in a chocolate reduction sauce (delicious!) I have visited my mecca, paid my respects (and money and some inches on my waistline), and can now lay claim to harmony with the universe. All is right with the world (insert big contented sigh here). Best of all, I can now say that I am helping charity whenever I purchase Hershey products. Why? Because a certain percentage of all sales go towards the maintenance and expansion of the Hershey School. The school was set up by Milton Hershey in the early 1900s to house and educate orphan boys. It was later expanded to include girls and children whose parents are struggling to make ends meet. There are currently about 1,400 students, and it's open to kids from all over the US, and the families do not pay a dime for anything. Their schooling, their clothes, their food, their upkeep, EVERYTHING is taken care of by the Hershey Foundation. They live in homes with guardians (parents, really). When they graduate, they can receive a college scholarship of $70,000 to be applied to the school of their choice. These kids are given a chance at a decent life -- something every child deserves. What could be better than that?

We also enjoyed some time in Amish country, rode in an Amish buggy, enjoyed Amish cooking, got lost in a corn maze (but finished after 2 hours), explored caves on foot and in a boat, and just generally enjoyed the beautiful countryside. Above are some photos from our trip:

(1) Me inside the Indian Echo Cave

(2) Photo from the parking lot of Hershey Chocolate World. (That's a world I could live in).

(3) Crystal clear springs in the IE Cave. The photo (which is sideways) doesn't do it justice -- it's an amazing site.

(4) Remain of the pumpkin patch on the farm where we did the corn maze. We just missed the Halloween celebration by a couple of days, but the maze was fun -- we did it at night with flashlights.

Freaky Friday

Let's begin today by announcing the winner of the pumpkin carving contest:

First place, and winner of the 1 wish is...... ME!

Second place, and the grantor of the winner's wish -- Big Dave!
Thanks to all who voted. One voter went so far as to deduct points from Dave for using the Wii remote in such a unfitting manner. : ) I personally think he didn't want to bother scooping out the pumpkin guts, and took the easy way out. Foolish mortal.

I appreciate your confidence in my ability to slash up a pumpkin, and promise to carry on my talents and visions to next Halloween. Who knows what the next masterpiece might be?
By the way, over the next few days after carving, Calvin's nose and mouth shrunk substantially. He looked like Old Man Calvin with no dentures. Quite disturbing. By Day 5, I had no choice but to give him the proper burial in the backyard and let the bird/squirrels/tortoises/misc creatures finish him off. A gruesome ending, but one that I think he would enjoy, given his psych profile.

The second bit of news to share with you is that for our vacation, we are going to.....
HERSHEY, PA! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we are headed for my mecca, my sacred city, my one true homeland. I shall bathe in a chocolate bath, get exfoliated in a chocolate scrub, dine on chocolate themed dinners, and immerse myself in a chocolate culture. It's my dream come true! And best of all, I get to share it with Big Dave. Now if only I could figure out a way to get the Hershey people to hire me as a taste tester, than life just might be complete. Too bad they don't have a bread factory near by, 'cause that would be my idea of heaven!

We'll also be visiting the Hershey Park, zoo, gardens, Amish country, and, of course, shopping -- for chocolate! We'll also be enjoying a cornfield maze, in celebration of Halloween. So much to do, so much to eat, and so little time!
I shall post a recap of our adventures upon our return, and maybe post a couple of photos. Don't be surprised if I look much fatter upon my return -- the chocolate made me do it!

The pumpkins are here... The pumpkins are here!

Here we go, folks! The offical entries of our annual Pumpkin Carving Contest:

Contestant #1: A rare piece, titled "Calvin's Worst Nightmare Comes True". In case you can't read the postcard, it states, "Greetings from Florida", and shows Susie snuggling up to Hobbes on a sandy beach.

Contestant #2: Introducing the new "Wii Pumpkin". In preperation for the new Wii Balance Board (tm), a new game is in the works where you get to play the Hobgoblin and smote down Spidey! Riding on your flying bat chariot via the Wii Balance Board (tm), you use your Wii Pumpkin to throw those nasty bombs at Spidey and send him to meet his maker! (sold seperately but not included, a 1/2" wrist strap is suggested to ensure the pumpkin doesn't fly out of your hands and smashes into your nice plasma tv. Sold for only $19.99. Don't say we didn't warn ya if you don't buy it.) *Please ignore our cheap plasticwrap controller grip for the adapter. We are still in beta. :)

Let us know which one is your favorite by voting "1" or "2". One vote per person. You can register your votes on this blog, or by emailing us.

We thank you for your participation, and remember, "ROCK THE VOTE!"

Pumpkin Carving Contest

It's about that time again, boys and girls! It's the annual Pumpkin Carving Contest starring myself and Big Dave, with you lucky winners participating as the judges! I know how thrilled you must be, but don't get too excited -- it's an unpaid, underappreciated and overworked job. Which is pretty much why you're being asked (AHEM!) to do it.



As always, we will take pictures of the artistic creations and post them on the blog. You will then tell us your favorite by indicating #1 or #2, and at the end of October, we'll tally up the score and announce who won. The winner (that will me be) will get one wish granted by the loser (that would be Big Dave).



Any questions? No? Good. Any comments/snide remarks? No? Good.



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