The Totem Pole

Before our daughter was born, it was well known we had several pets, and our fellow townspeople always asked after them. The banks always gave Koda several dog treats (a small handful whenever he came with us on errands into town), the post office employees always asked after our feline roommates, and members of our exercise club always wanted to know how our "furry kids" were doing in spite of our role as "parents". Whenver my mother called, she would ask after the pets first. We were always an afterthought. Sad, but true.

So my husband and I started joking that we were definitely at the bottom rung of the totem pole, since we were obviously not the most popular inhabitants of our home.

Now that our daughter is here, the positions on the Totem Pole have once again shifted. Now, it goes from Kaylee, to Koda, to the cats, and finally, to us. We know our place in this world (albeit it's subterranean), and we have been resigned to the fact that in the eyes of most of the people we know, we will just never matter as much as the kid, the canine and the felines.

There is a bright side to this situation, though.

We can get any lower than we already are. There is some comfort in that.

Not much, but some.

Canine Loyalties

We've had our dog, Koda, for several years. We got him when he was just a tiny 8 week old puppy and could fit in the palm of your hand. During his puppy stage, we spent hours training him the basic commands, teaching him to hold "it" until he was outside, nurturing him, nursing him after his allergic reaction to his puppy shots, etc. In short, he was our baby, and we did everything we could to ensure his happiness and health.

As he grew up, we bought him the best (ie: expensive) dog food, as recommended by the vet. We made sure he had his yearly vet visits and shots. We spent a fortune on chew toys and bones, in an effort to save our furniture and shoes.

Somehow, as he grew up, he became a mommy's boy. He became completely loyal to me. He followed me around the house, always laid at my feet while I was working at the computer, always wanted to sit beside me on the couch. I figured that kind of loyalty would last a lifetime.

I was wrong.

As soon as our daughter came home from the hospital, Koda immediately took a shine to her. He alerts us to her cries (not that we can't hear her ourselves!), he lays across her nursery door, he licks her feet while we are feeding her. He has now become HER dog. He is fiercely protective of her. If she cries, he is right there, upset and wanting to comfort her. If she gurgles, he wants to sniff her from head to toe, to assure himself she is alright. If she sneezes, he curls up on the floor beside the chair and only gets up when we go to put her back in her crib.

I may have gained a daughter, but in the process I lost a dog, and I don't know how or why it happened.

There is a bright side to it all, though. He will be a 24/7 guardian for her. I know I will never have to worry about her because he will be right there with her, protecting her. They will become best friends.

As a Mom, the most rewarding part of it all for me will be the fact that my daughter will come to know unconditional love. She will know the joy that comes from loving an animal, and having that love returned ten-fold. She will be taught the value of being kind to all living things. And she will be blessed with constant companionship.

It doesn't get any better than that!

When are you going to...??

When I think back over the momentous occasions in my life, I discovered there have been too many times when I've heard the old "When are you going to..." by well-meaning but nosy people.

It seems that no matter what milestone I reached, it wasn't good enough. Reaching for the next one seemed to be the constant expectation from everyone around me.

• Headed for college? Choose a major before you choose a college. No, not THAT major.
• In college? Find a steady boyfriend. Don't want a steady boyfriend? What's wrong with you? You are nothing if you don't have a steady boyfriend.
• Have a boyfriend? Get married. Don't want to get married? How can you say that?! You are nothing without a husband.
• Getting married? You must have the big wedding. Don't want a big wedding? Sure you do! EVERYONE wants a big traditional wedding! It's tradition! Just do it.
• Now that you're married, have a kid. You must have a kid. Don't want to have a kid? Surely you jest. Every married couple should have a kid.
• Isn't pregnancy great? Isn't it a wonderous experience? No? Don't say that. How can you say that? Of course it's great! It can't be anything BUT great!
• Now you have a kid. When you are going to have another one? Because really your kid should have a sibling. Start thinking about having another kid.
• Isn't parenthood great? What do you mean no? Sure you are exhausted, sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and inexperienced, but it's still great. And don't you dare say otherwise.

And to be perfectly honest, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of having to explain my life choices. Tired of being made to feel like I'm less of a person because I haven't embraced the "traditional" ways of doing things. Tired of being asked questions about those choices, and not being able to tell the truth, because more often than not, people don't want to hear the truth. They want to hear the polite fiction behind the tradition.

I think the next time I get the question "When are you going to...", I'm going look them straight in the eye and dump toxic waste on them. Then I'll say, "I'll do it when you stop asking me dumb questions and leave me alone."

Enough is enough!