Lessons Learned from "A Christmas Story"

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Watching the Movie “A Christmas Story”

• Question Authority. Just because your mother insists “You’ll shoot your eye out” doesn’t mean you will. Go for the BB gun anyway.
• Try new foods – that meatloaf may very well be delicious if you give it a try. Eating like a piggy is optional.
• Expand your vocabulary. Your dad can help you with this. You’ll learn soon enough what’s acceptable to say in front of others – at the risk of getting the soap treatment. This is also a great way to spend quality time with the “old man”.
• Actions speak louder than words. A triple dog dare must always be answered, even if it means getting your tongue stuck on a metal pole in the schoolyard.
• Anticipating something is usually better than getting it. That secret decoder pin you’ve been waiting for may not be as great as you hope. Learn to accept the disappointment gracefully.
• Enjoy the journey, and focus less on the destination. Just because the store is closing in 10 minutes doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy the parade. Besides, Santa may not be in the jolliest of moods when you do sit on his lap. Ho. Ho. Ho.
• Be kind of animals. Otherwise they may steal your turkey and force you to eat a smiling Chinese duck.
• Stand up to bullies. This will also allow you to practice your newly expanded vocabulary, and gain the respect of your peers. Just watch out for your mom.
• Learn to be gracious and appreciative. Although that hideous bunny suit may be a “pink nightmare” to you, think about how much enjoyment Aunt Clara got in making it for you, and how cute your mother thinks you look.
• Sex education can be fun, especially when you glance upon a leg-lamp’s naught “gleam of electric sex” in the window.
• Learn from your parents. They can teach you useful things like how tame a menacing furnace, replace a fuse, or change a tire in less than 4 minutes. Learning their swear words is optional, and should only be attempted in the most dire circumstances. Otherwise, you’ll risk getting the soap treatment from Mom.
• Learn a foreign language. If for no other reason than to learn to properly pronounce the word “FRAGILE” (No, it’s not Italian).
• The best things come in small packages. Just because something comes in a big box doesn’t mean it’s a “major award”. It could be just a lamp.
• Bribery rarely works to your advantage. Just because you give your teacher the biggest fruit basket doesn’t mean you’ll get that A+ on your Christmas Theme.
• Some things can’t be fixed – you matter how much glue you use.