My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I know you probably have my name on the “naughty list” (no doubt for the many reasons stated on your dossier), but let me explain…
I try to be good all year, I really do, but some things are just beyond my control. For example:

People generally annoy me. Exhibit A: the crazy drivers, who don’t seem to understand what a turn signal is used for, or what a red light means. Exhibit B: the salespeople who remain on the phone with friends while ignoring me, the paying customer. How about the ones who roll their eyes and “tsk” when I ask them to look for an item in the storeroom? How about the fact that I cannot shop anywhere without being asked my phone number, my email, or my zip code. Since when did shopping require the exchange of so much personal information? Exhibit C: the cashier who, without the help of a calculator, cannot figure out how much change to give on a $2.50 purchase after I hand him a $10 bill. Am I’m really required to be nice to these people 24-7? Can you check the fine print on that, please? There must be a fine-print weasel clause somewhere on the contract.

The world is a crazy place. There seem to be too many situations that require anger, outrage, and disbelief. I cannot help but get angry when I read about a child who was tortured to death by a parent because he/she “wouldn’t stop crying” – a child who was returned to that parent by DCF because of a breakdown in the system. I will always be outraged when an animal is starved and beaten, and the abuser is allowed to walk free because of insufficient laws. I cannot believe that people will ignore a homeless person on the street, but will spend money on tabloids to find out the latest news on their favorite movie star. My only wish is that I will never lose the ability to feel anger, outrage and disbelief when it really matters.

The flesh is weak, and the temptation is too strong. For every time I called my brother a bad name, for every time I stole something from his room, for every time I tried to get him in trouble with our parents by blaming him for something that I did, I couldn’t help myself. He usually deserved it. If he wasn’t making fun of me, he was punching me, calling me names, or, worse yet, just ignoring me. Our whole relationship during childhood was based upon a pyramid of lies, deceptions, and half-truths. But for all the bickering, for all the fighting, for all the battles we waged, we were always there for each other. We had each other’s back. I could always count on my big brother when it really mattered. And he knew that I would defend him against others no matter what. And we always knew, deep, deep down, the love was always there.


But sometimes, it is my fault. I know I have been guilty of making fun of others – some deserved it, some didn’t. I will tease and torment my husband for my own amusement, but generally he’s a good sport about it, and doesn’t seem to mind too much, which is probably why I married him. I will, on occasion, answer the phone with a foreign accent, in an attempt to liven up the day. I make up my own names for things, especially if I believe the “normal” names to be too boring (ie: flutterby instead of butterfly, flog instead of golf, or skissors instead of scissors) This trait confuses and exasperates my husband more than anything else, I think. It’s probably why I do it. I will often make up my own rules when playing a game (Monopoly is more fun when you’re an playing an Enron exec who just happens to be president of the bank, and can take funds at leisure). I can be very stubborn, short tempered, and I tend to put off doing unpleasant tasks (ie: chores). Keep in mind, I am only mentioning those indiscretions that are rated PG-13 or better. (the R-rated will need to be put in a different kind of letter).

In short, yes, I have been naughty this year, Santa. I have been selfish, greedy, and a little bit grumpy. But for all my weaknesses, for all my faults, I was hoping you could still see your way to granting me just one Christmas wish. Just one simple wish. Well, two actually.
1. World Peace. I know you’ve been asked about this one many times, and it’s still a work in progress, but it would be really great if this was the year it could be accomplished.
2. Bring our troops home safe and sound to their families. I know this kind of ties into wish #1, but just in case you can’t deliver #1, than you can at least try for #2.

Thank you Santa.