A Day In The Life of a Cat

Sleep. Eat. Stretch. Curl up with humans. Sleep some more. Eat. Puke on any surface that is not easily cleanable. Race around the house with no particular purpose in mind other than to break things and drive the humans crazy. Wait for the humans to take the dog outside, then scoot through the semi-open door.
Freedom. Explore in the gardens and dig up plants. Check out what's under the cars (where the humans can't reach). Wander through the woods. Enjoy the sunshine. Savor hearing the humans call out in vain. Return only when everything on the feline to-do list has been accomplished.
Allow human to escort you back inside. Jump on bed. Yawn. Knead covers. Sleep some more. Hear activity in the kitchen. Slowly meander towards the sound of food being opened and cooked. It could be tuna. Loudly express opinion regarding the sharing of the food. If food not forthcoming, express opinion louder. Volume + intensity = higher success rate.
Return to bed. Sleep again. Hear TV in the next room. Stretch and go investigate. Jump on human. Insist on sharing blanket. Curl around human's leg. Use human as heated pillow. Sleep. A few hours later, human escorts you to garage, where you are to remain for the evening (aka: Lock up). You vow to get revenge by throwing up on the human's shoe's tomorrow. Curl up and sleep in kayak.

In the morning, repeat.


Top 5 functions of a cat:

1. Couch anchor: Make sure all couches/chairs remain in their current positions. You never know when furniture might decide to move by itself.
2. Biological heater: On those cold winter nights, you'll always be toasty warm with a few cats laying on/near you.
3. Dog tormentor: Never let a dog get too self-assured. A cat will be sure to bring some perspective to your canine, and let him know his ranking in the household.
4. Bug catcher: The bigger the bug, the better. The more dangerous the bug, the better. The more pinchers, stingers, and otherwise harmful appendages, the better. Cats love a challenge.
5. Sleeping aid: Lay down in bed. Pull covers over body. Allow cat to find comfortable position (usually sleeping on head). Sleep and in a few hours wake up with a mouth full of cat hair and a contented friend.