Big Dave and I celebrated our anniversary this week with a trip to O-town to experience Aquatica, the new waterpark. All in all, a very enjoyable outing. The weather was just about perfect, the rides fun, and the lines short. Can't ask for more than that, right?
Well, yes I can. And I will. : ) While Big Dave got an eyeful of young PYTs in their skimpy bikinis, I was treated to the retina-burning sight of middle aged. beer-bellied men wedged tightly into speedos. My eyes will never be the same.
Where were my cute, tan, well muscled frat boys with form fitting suits? Where were my young, impressionable 18-year-old farm boys with cowboy hats and manly staggers?
They were at Adventure Island, that's where! They probably took one look at the pasty-white, pot-bellied English guy in the thong bikini briefs and decided to go elsewhere, just in case the look happened to be contagious.
In the park, there are signs EVERYWHERE with rules about what you can and cannot do. I thought it might be a good idea if management put up additional signs about what people can and cannot wear in the park -- something like this:
1. If you cannot see your toes because your big belly is in the way, do not attempt a speedo or a thong.
2. If you resemble Cocoa the gorilla because of your hairy arms, back and stomach, you must wear a t-shirt.
3. Make sure your suit is the correct size. No one wants to see your whole package.
4. Butt cracks are not a fashion accessory. Pull up your pants.
Monday, September 8, 2008
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