I Don't Know What I'm Doing... and it's OK.

In the past few months, I've had to learn to let go of a lot of things -- physically, mentally, and spiritually. I can't control much of what happens in life. Stuff happens, and sometimes you just have to learn to roll with the punches. Make all the plans you want, but be prepared to have those plans fly right out the window. If you can't get everything on your list done today, it's OK. There's always tomorrow. And if some things never get done, or take a long time to get done, so be it. Just when you think you have life all figured out, that you know what's important, that you know your place in this world, something will happen to force you to come to terms with the fact that you really don't know what you are doing half the time (or all the time). And I've learned that it's OK. It's perfectly normal to feel lost, scared, confused, maybe even a little depressed -- sometimes all at once. The important thing is to not let these things stop you from living your life. Take risks. Regrets are harder to swallow than apologies.

I am now the first to admit when I'm unsure of something. I ask for help when I need it. I admit when I am wrong (that was a particularly tough one for me, but satisfying for my husband). Here's a shocker -- I don't have all the answers -- how about that?!?

And now my husband and I are entering into a new phase of our lives -- parenthood. And I don't know what I'm doing. And I don't know what to expect. One minute I'm very happy and excited. The next minute I'm in a panic attack, with all the what-if's racing through my mind. Will the baby be healthy? Will I be a good mom? Will I survive the delivery? Will my natural mom instincts kick in, or will I be woefully inadequate in the infant care department? Are we really ready for this responsibility? What if I ask too many "what if" questions, and my mind explodes? You have to remember that I'm the woman who didn't even know she was pregnant -- my husband knew before I did -- before the positive stick test. (That's a whole different blog).

I guess you could say that I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed. And scared. And elated. And confused, And scared.

And it's all OK. (insert deep breath here).