Where's the Me That Was?

I used to be a very independent person. Just ask anyone, and they'll tell you that I enjoyed being on my own, to do whatever I wished whenever I wished. I had strong opinions about most everything, and wasn't afraid to share them. Most issues were black and white to me. Things were either wrong or right.

Fast forward 15 years. I have been blessed with many things over the years - a loving husband, a healthy and happy daughter, and a home to call my own. I am thankful for these blessings a thousand times a day. But for a long time it has felt like something significant has been missing from my life, and I think it's this:

I feel less like myself now more than I ever have before.

Let me see if I can explain it.

I am now known as Dave's wife. I am also known as Kaylee's mom. Very rarely, if ever, am I known as just me. Just Kathy.

Don't get me wrong: I love being a wife and mother. But it's not all I am. There is so much more to me than diaper changes, bottle feedings, dishes and laundry. I'm not just about business meetings, bank conferences, and investments.

But the rest of me just seems to get buried underneath the day-to-day chaos that makes up life. I don't get "me" time. I don't get to make decisions by myself. I don't get to enjoy something that's just mine. For now, it's all shared with my family, and maybe that's as it should be.

But there' s a part of me that misses the old me. The Me who could make an instant decision. The Me who could give you an opinion and spout various facts to support that opinion. The Me who could get frustrated and lose her temper. The Me who was Just Me.

I'm wondering if there will ever come a time when I can reintroduce the Old Me to the New Me, and they will peacefully co-exist.

Or is the Old Me really gone forever, and I should just learn to move on?