Jury Duty Calls

On Monday I had the privilege of enjoying jury duty (YAY ME!). I left the house at 6:30am, and didn't return until about 5 pm. The hours in between were filled with waiting. Waiting for the lights to change, waiting for other cars to turn or to decide which lane they wanted to be in. Then waiting in line at the "security" checkpoint. Waiting for my name to be called as part a jury pool. Waiting in the courtroom until the lawyers selected the jury. Then back down to the jury chambers to wait to be picked for another pool. I never did get selected for a jury, but I think I've come up with a good list of ways to survive waiting while on jury duty:

1. Bring a sweater. No mater what the temp is outside, inside will be freezing cold, as high electric bills are a great way to spend taxpayers dollars.
2. Bring your favorite book, magazine, Ipods, Gameboys -- anything that might amuse you for up to 8-10 hours. Don't rely on the Court's selection of periodicals. You could be stuck reading magazines you would ordinarily never pick up. I actually saw a big strapping FBI man who was so bored he was reading the Martha Stewart Living magazine.
3. Bring non-perishable food (granola bars, snack mix, pretzels, nuts, etc.). Don't assume there is a cafeteria on the premisis, or that food is within easy walking distance. We only had vending machines, and a 6-8 block walk to the nearest diners. While I was lucky and got a 2-hour lunch break, most everyone else got about a 30-40 minute break, which didn't leave much time for eating after walking to get food.
4. Think good thoughts. Complaining isn't going to change anything. You will be stuck there just like everyone else. Whining will only annoy your fellow waiters. Keep reminding yourself that you are fulfilling a civic duty, and that you could be in worse places -- the waiting room at the ER, the waiting room at the airport, the line at the DMV.
5. Use the bathroom facilities whenever you can. You never know when you might be called into a pool, and once you are in the courtroom, you cannot leave. Empty that bladder every chance you get.
6. Make nice with the court employees. They don't want to be there anymore than you do. They have a job to do, and they try to do it to the best of their ability. The more you cooperate, the better than can do their job. And if they like you, they may give you a cookie. Or a donut.
7. Keep in mind that the jury duty process is not set up to be the most convenient for you. It is set up to ensure that everyone receives a fair trials. Sometimes the wheels of justice turn slowly. If this means extra waiting on your part, so be it. If you were the defendent, wouldn't you want to make sure your jury was going to be fair and impartial?
8. Be VERY grateful you are neither the victim nor the defendent. While our legal process is better than some, it leaves much room for improvement.

On the amusing side of jury duty, we had some people who were dead ringers for some celebs, a Robert DeNiro look-alike, a Katharine Hepburn double, and a JohnMcCain twin. Go figure!

Why I Want To Live In Disney World

1. Clean up crews are provided for landscaping, bathrooms, and kitchens.
2. It's the happiest place on earth!
3. You can act like a kid, and no one will hold it against you.
4. You can eat like a kid, and no one will hold it against you.
5. Grown up worries like mortgages, insurance, and paying bills are non-existant within the Magic Kingdom.
6. Imagination is welcomed -- even encouraged.
7. Unlike travel in the real world, when you board a spacecraft or railroad at Disney, you arrive safely back where you started from -- with fewer delays and no lost luggage.
8. It's the only place on earth you can wear a hat with mouse ears, and not look like an idiot. Or care that you look like an idiot.
9. Everything is there for your amusement/enjoyment. If you don't like something, you can move on to the next thing.
10. Real world worries like war, poverty, and disease do not exist in Disney. Mickey Mouse will never grow old, Pluto will never go to that big Doghouse in the sky, and Donald Duck will never need anti-anxiety meds.

Tax Dollars At Work...

True story:

Big Dave and I were out and about doing errands one day, and we ended up driving along side a police car. No big deal, happens all the time, right? Except THIS police car was actually marked as follows:

SHERIFF'S OFFICE -- HOMELAND SECURITY

The car they were driving? A Toyota Hybrid. Now, I don't know about you, but I cannot see terrorists being particularily frightened or even remotely concerned about being chased down by a Hybrid. Not only that, but can you see a Hybrid outrunning ANYTHING except maybe a squirrel?

Freaky Dreams

I don't know if you know this about me, but I tend to have some VERY weird dreams. They range from the morbid, to the impossible, to just inexplicably bizarre. I'll give you some examples:

The bizarre: I am an eggplant (I'm not DRESSED as an eggplant, I AM an eggplant), riding a bicycle, trying to catch up to the #9 bus because I'm late for a Fruit of the Loom photo shoot. I know... I know.. there is no eggplant in the Loom gang, but what can I say? I can't help it if the dreams are wildly inaccurate.

The morbid: I am driving down a windy road, when all of a sudden my car veers out of control and into a ditch. The car then bursts into flame, and my spirit watches from the road while my body burns in the car. Unfortunately, this one I've had more than once, and was responsible for my insomnia for a good 6 months. I still don't know why I keep dreaming it.

The impossible: I am a spy for the Russian mafia, and my task is to infiltrate McDonalds so that my bosses can sell high-tech weaponry in the drive-thru. I get yelled at by my McD manager because I'm filling the fry cups with too many fries, and just as I'm about to deliver some mafia justice, my next customer is one who orders the weapons. I hand him the bag, and he becomes the 1,000,000 customer of the store. Bells and whistles go off, balloons fall from the sky, and a very unhappy former KGB agent is suddenly surrounded by McDs dignitaries, who are trying to get him out of the car for photos and a press conference.

The funny: I am supposed to give a speech to the Nat'al Assoc of Dry Cleaners and Laundries on the importance of always wearing clean underwear while driving a car. The title of my speech? Someone Cares - Wear Clean Underwear.

I have told Big Dave about some of these, and he seems to share my sentiments: some things are better left unexplained.

But I would like to know what's the story with the eggplant. If you have any thoughts, let me know.