Cat Wars Episode 6,729

We have a lot of empty boxes in our house right now, thanks to the arrival of various nursery items. The boxes range in size from very large and narrow (crib) to small and square (breast pump). No matter what the size, no matter how much packing material is jammed inside, the cats have declared civil war in an effort to determine who gets which box. It doesn't matter that there are more boxes than cats, and that each cat could easily claim 2 boxes as their own.

I'll set the scene for you. Picture it:

The Living Room. 10:30 am. Empty boxes lined up along 2 walls. Four cats are eyeing the boxes with mild interest. They creep closer. Investigate. Their interest increases. Test the flaps to see if getting inside the box is possible. One cat successfully manages to enter a box. The others are now jealous. They try to follow suit, only to be stopped by Cat #1, who insists box belongs to him. Boxing matches ensue. Tempers flare. Then another cat realizes "hey, there are other boxes here. I'm going to check it out. You guys can argue. I'm outta here." From the nursery (where we are hard at work putting together the crib), we hear a crash, then the sound of a cat trying to unsuccessfully run fast on terrazzo flooring. We hear the thuds as the cat crashes into chairs, walls, and finally silence. I come out to investigate. What used to be a tidy pile of boxes along one wall has now become the scene of a natural disaster. Boxes are everywhere. Packing material covers the couches, and 3 suspects are hiding under a blanket. They each try to maintain an innocent look, but fail miserably. The 4th suspect is nowhere to be found, but assumed to be on the lam.

I return to the nursery to give an update on the condition of the living room. Husband stops work on crib. Sighs. Asks "Why don't we use some of the boxes to package up the those demon spawns and send them to Guam? Life would be much simplier." I think about it for a minute. Tempted. Sorely tempted. But then I remind hubby that it would probably be illegal, and the cost of shipping would be substantial.

He sighs again. "Yeah, you're probably right." He continues work. A few minutes pass. Then he look up at me again. "You know, they're probably just training us for what we can expect with a toddler."

Oh no.